So, one of the biggest events in recent history, as everyone knows, is that Disney have bought LucasFilm, which most obviously includes Star Wars.
They’re in charge of creating the next trilogy: Episodes VII to IX, and possibly even Episodes X to XII!
But in the meantime, maybe they’d like to do a Family Guy style spoof, putting their own characters into the Original Trilogy.
They’ve already given a rough idea of who they might cast in some roles, but a quick look just shows how badly their choices will work.
So many errors!
Mickey is Anakin Skywalker and Luke Skywalker, so he plays his own son. YET, Goofy is Darth Vader, so when Mickey turns to the Dark Side he becomes a dog that’s twice his height!!?!
While Goofy is Vader, he is also C3-P0 and Chewbacca. Now Vader making 3-P0 in his own image seems fair enough, but you’ll often see the droid side by side with the Wookiee (not to mention the time carrying the broken pieces in a bag on his back) which is just silly. Goofy is also Jar Jar Binks, which kind of works.
Stitch is both Yoda and Emperor Palpatine. When you have the whole story with Palpatine posing as a good guy while being a villain all along, you don’t also want to think the wise old Jedi Master is also the same person. That’s before Stitch we see that appears as General Grievous as well!
Finally Donald Duck is just wasted as a Stormtrooper and endless varieties of clones. Yeah, he’s Darth Maul as well, which is cool, but I don’t like this silly doubling up. Oh, and he’s Han Solo. They got something right!
Basically, a lot of characters just don’t fit and there is far too much doubling up. Disney has a huge range of characters to draw on and they’re wasting opportunities!
Cracking Ace can and will do better! Here:
Luke Skywalker
Obvious choice is Mickey. The poster boy, the face everyone thinks of when they think of the franchise.
But it throws up questions about Leia straight away. Leia is Luke’s sister. Minnie is Mickey’s girlfriend.
If Mickey is Luke, the Minnie can’t be Leia. Leia goes off with Han.
But Mickey can’t be Han. He’s not cool enough. Not remotely. So maybe Minnie could be Mara Jade… but let’s not start looking at the Expanded Universe!
He’s not a bad choice. After Epic Mickey, Kingdom Hearts and so on he’s proved he can handle an adventure.
CAST: Mickey Mouse
Han Solo
They’ve gone for Donald Duck, which is a pretty solid choice. He’s got the attitude and doesn’t shy away from a fight. He’s also pretty keen on earning big bucks. The line up of Mickey as Luke, Donald as Han and Goofy as Chewbacca makes for a good poster, but there are possibly better options.
Launchpad McQuack is a popular pilot, but he’s too cheery and optimistic to be Han.
Does anyone remember Talespin? Baloo (of Jungle Book fame) as a seaplane pilot. He’s cocky, funny and charming. He is the best Han Solo Disney has ever had. It does mean we have to find an even hairier character to play Chewbacca, but thems the breaks.
CAST: Baloo
Princess Leia
Leia should tie in with Luke as she is his sister. It make sense if they’re the same species (though in crazy cartoon world it’s not important). Sticking with that there are the choice of Mickey and Minnie or Donald and Daisy. Which has the same trouble of them being couples. We want to avoid the incest if possible. The only way to do that is to have the siblings as different animals.
Minnie and Daisy are the best known female Disney faces (not including the princesses, but let’s not start on bestiality! (or would Belle and Beast make a good Han and Leia?)). Of the two Daisy is a better fit. Minnie just doesn’t have the feistiness of the lazer-toting princess. But then, if Donald isn’t Han, then perhaps Daisy shouldn’t be Leia.
There are a number of possible candidates besides: Miss Bianca of the Rescuers might be suitable, but her size compared to the rest of the characters would be odd (especially if she as a normal sized mouse was next to Mickey as a human sized one). Maid Marian of Robin Hood could fit the bill, but with Baloo’s similarity to Little John, that could be uncomfortable. Lady (Lady and the Tramp) is too much of a real dog rather than anthropomorphic like the others.
So here, we start to dig into the depths of obscurity. Mickey Mouse does actually have a sister by the name of Amelia Fieldmouse. With Mickey as our Luke , the relative unknown could be made-over and perhaps she could probably fit Leia quite well.
CAST: Amelia Fieldmouse
C-3P0 and R2-D2
These guys have to be a pair that work well together. A pair like Chip ‘n’ Dale, that you can barely think of being apart. But they do often work separately, so Chip ‘n’ Dale are no good.
We could here have Timon and Pumbaa, but which would make more sense as which? Timon as 3P0 might be similar to Lucas original vision of the used car salesman character. Pumbaa’s fart jokes might be incorporated into some of R2’s many gadgets – smoke screens, hover boosters etc. They’re a reasonable pairing. You can also imagine Timon being a bit of a coward while Pumbaa charges into heroic action.
CAST: Timon and Pumbaa
Chewbacca
We need someone big and hairy. Considering our Han is already big and hairy, we need someone even bigger and even hairier!
The Beast? His rage supports the ‘Let the Wookiee win’ slogan.
Or perhaps Pluto? Chewbacca is often seen as Han’s canine companion. Rather than try to outdo Baloo on the big and hairy angle, maybe Chewie should be more of a dog. He’s got a good space name too.
Goofy is a fairly good choice as Chewbacca, the ever loyal companion, but his golden-hearted nature doesn’t quite fit with the fearsomeness of a Wookiee. Chances are, a Disney spoof of Star Wars would be played for laughs though, so that’s probably not an issue.
CAST: Goofy
Obi-Wan Kenobi
We’re looking for a crazy old guy who becomes a mentor to a great hero. Yen Sid is too serious. He’s more like one of the Original Trilogy Jedi Council who don’t do anything cool. One of the ones that doesn’t appear in Episode II because they don’t look right with a lightsaber.
Sebastian the Crab would be a hilarious Obi-Wan, but maybe not for the right reasons.
Scrooge McDuck is a bit more like what we’re looking for. His money loving ways don’t suit the Jedi style though.
We’re better off with the slightly more obscure Ludwig Von Drake, a cooky yet clever scientist. His catchphrase is ‘Hello there’, which is one of Obi-Wan’s first lines in Episode IV.
CAST: Ludwig Von Drake
Lando Calrissian
Someone smooth and a bit of a womaniser. A gambler and a classy pirate. Not Jack Sparrow.
Donald Duck has already lost the Han role and it would be great to see him as a hero. You can imagine him selling out his friends for a deal.
Ignoring the womanising aspect, Iago from Aladdin could be a great Lando.
Although it takes another character from the Jungle Book, King Louie would make a fantastic Lando. He’s the boss of Cloud City, he’s charming and you can believe he has an old awkward friendship with Baloo/Han. Most importantly, he is cool!
CAST: King Louie
Yoda
Little, green, wise and a spiritual guide to a younger hero.
CAST: Jiminy Cricket
Stormtroopers
An infinite supply of faceless clones.
CAST: Broomsticks
Darth Vader
One of the most important decisions to make! He’s the most evil villain in the galaxy, yet you have to remember that he used to be a good man, friends with Obi-Wan, taught by Yoda and father to Luke, Leia and C-3P0.
Goofy is a poor choice. The only thing that makes Goofy a reasonable Vader is his height.
Disney has a number of villains to draw on. Bad Pete, Scar, Chernabog, Shere Khan, Prince John.. the list goes on.
It’s tough to find one in particular to take on the role of Vader. It has to be someone iconic and someone who can make the journey from hero to villain to redemption.
It wouldn’t be right for the main character of the Saga to be an obscure character.
There really is only one option.
CAST: Donald Duck
Emperor Palpatine
Vader’s master. The truly most evil character in the story, beyond redemption and only out for themselves. The power to take on Yoda and manipulate the universe taking it for his own.
Disney has a few options: Jafar, Governor Ratcliffe, Mortimer Mouse…
I think one character fits the role of master of darkness and evil down to the ground.
CAST: Hades
