What with the recent Disney buyout of LucasArts and the announcement of a new Star Wars Trilogy, I would just like to make known a few of the things that I (and I’m sure everyone else) does not want to see.
Jar Jar Binks Farting
This happened enough in the prequels. Did I say enough? I meant too often.
We’d probably rather not see Jar Jar at all, even though we don’t know what became of him post Clone Wars (unless that was him snuck into Return of the Jedi special editions at the end.)
But if they do decide that the merchandising monster is worthy of a comeback, let’s keep his flatulence under wraps eh?
Anyone Being Resurrected
After that pirates movie where we learned that if you die you go to an island covered in white sand that your friends can sail to to pick you up and bring you home, we kind of felt that death had a pretty weak edge to it.
We don’t want Star Wars to suffer that same stupid fate.
Sure, they have established that powerful Jedi can return in ghost form, but they are only able to appear and speak to people, not actively get involved. So we don’t want to see anything like Emperor Palpatine somehow surviving being thrown into the reactor or Yoda learning how to reanimate his body etc etc.
This is connected to the next point.
Darth Vader
Rumours are floating around that Disney want to bring back Darth Vader because the saga can’t be complete without the evilest villain who ever roamed the galaxy.
Firstly, the body is dead. Can’t be used. Cremated even. Gone. Done.
Secondly, the spirit of the man has now become good guy Anakin Skywalker.
Darth Vader in body and soul is gone.
The only way to bring back baddy Vader would be if somehow he got cloned. That would be lame. It would dilute the awesomeness of Darth Vader if there was more than one.
(Similar to the way a lot of fans feel about Boba Fett being a brother to every single clone trooper.)
Ignoring the rich universe that already exists and that fans love
Everyone knows that after the movies came tons of books and games and comics. Die hard fans know what happens in all/most of them.
We don’t want Disney to come along and ignore the stories that have been told that we have accepted as canon for so many years.
The Thrawn saga, the Imperial Remnants, the Jedi Academy on Yavin IV, Kyle Katarn, the Yuuzhan Vong, the death of Chewbacca and so on.
We don’t mind them not being in the movie, we just don’t want whatever new stories that appear to contradict the ones we already have. We want to avoid plot holes and endless attempts to patch the damage done into some sort of logic where both can be true.
A discontinuation of the Skywalker story
This is pretty much down to it being called Episode VII.
The stories of episodes I through to VI have all been about the Skywalkers. VII to IX should not change that. If they do, then they shouldn’t be Episodes VII to IX. They should be ‘Star Wars: Some other stuff happens – Episode I’ (or Episode IV… because that’s how it’s done).
